Saint Mary of Egypt

by Saint Sophronius

There was a certain elder in one of the monasteries of Palestine, a priest of the holy life and speech. This elder's name was Zosima.

Zosima used to relate how, as soon as he was taken from his mother's breast, he was handed over to the monastery where he went through his training as an ascetic till he reached the age of 53. After that, he began to be tormented with the thought that he was perfect in everything and needed no instruction from anyone, saying to himself mentally,  

"Is there a monk on earth who could be of help to me and show me a kind of asceticism that I have not achieved? Is there a man to be found in the wilderness who has surpassed me?"

Thus thought the elder, when suddenly an angel appeared to him and said, 

"Zosima, valiantly have you struggled, as far as this is within the power of man, and valiantly have you gone through the ascetic course. But there is no man who has attained perfection. Before you lie unknown struggles greater than those you have already accomplished. That you may know how many other ways lead to salvation, leave your native land like the renowned patriarch Abraham and go to the monastery by the River Jordan."

There he saw elders proficient both in action and the contemplation of God, aflame in spirit, working for the Lord. They sang incessantly, they stood in prayer all night, work was ever in their hands and psalms on their lips. Never an idle word was heard among them, they knew nothing about acquiring temporal goods or the cares of life. But they had one desire — to become in body like corpses. Their constant food was the Word of God, and they sustained their bodies on bread and water, as much as their love for God allowed them. Seeing this, Zosima was greatly edified and prepared for the struggle that laid before him.

In the Wilderness, at Lent...

At the beginning of Lent, the gates of the monastery by the river Jordan were accustomed to be opened, and the monks were going out singing their psalms. They crossed the river  and all of them scattered far and wide in different directions to spend the whole period of fast in the desert thinking of nothing except the fatherhood of God, devoting most of their time to the deepest fellowship with our Savior. On Palm Sunday, they were accustomed to return to the monastery.

Zosima did the same as everyone else. And he went far, far into the desert with a secret hope of finding some father who might be living there and who might be able to satisfy his thirst and longing. And he wandered on tireless, as if hurrying on to some definite place. On the 20th day of his spiritual journey, and while he was praying, he caught sight of something that looked like a human form, 

"Is it an illusion? Is it an imagery? Is it the deceit of the devil?"  

He turned his sight and realized that it was a human form, naked, its skin was dark as if burned by the heat of the sun. The hair on its head was white as a fleece, and not long, falling just below its neck.

He was overjoyed, hoping to have found one of the holy hermits of the wilderness, who devote all their lives to the fellowship with the true friend Jesus Christ, our Savior.

He ran in pursuit of that figure, but it began to run away from him. When he approached it, he shouted, 

"Why did you ran away from an old man and a sinner? Wait for me, in God's name. I tell you,  for the love of God for whose sake you are living in the desert."

The figure replied,

"For Jesus' sake forgive me Abbot Zosima, for I cannot turn towards you and show you my face. I am a woman and I am naked. But if you would like to fulfill one wish of a sinful woman, throw me your cloak so that I can cover my body and can turn to you and ask for your blessing."

He was astonished for she knew him and called him by name. But he realized that she could not have done so without knowing anything of him if she had not had the power of spiritual insight. At once he threw his cloak to her, turning away as he did so. She picked it up and was able to cover at least a part of her body. 

Then she turned to Zosima and said,  

"Why did you wish, Abbot Zosima, to see a sinful woman? What do you wish to learn or hear from me?"

He threw himself on the ground and asked for her blessing, but she likewise bowed down before him saying, 

"Abbot Zosima, it is for you to give blessings. You have been blessed with the grace of Priesthood, and for many years you have been standing before the holy altar and offering the sacrifice of the Divine Mysteries."

But with tears he said to her, 

"O honorable mother, I see that you have died to the world. God granted you wonderful graces, for you have called me by name and recognized that I am a priest though you have never seen me before. Grace is recognized not by one's orders, but by gifts of the Spirit;  so I ask you to give me your blessing for God's sake, for I need your prayers."

In face of his supplications she was obliged to say, 

"Blessed be God who cares for the salvation of men and their souls."  

He answered, 

"Amen."

They rose up. Then she asked him, 

"Why have you come, man of God, to see such woman who is naked and devoid of every virtue? Tell me, father, how are the Christian peoples living? And the kings? How is the Church guided?"

Abbot Zosima said, 

"By your holy prayers, O mother, Christ has granted peace to all. But I beseech you to pray for the whole world , and for me a sinner, so that my wanderings in the desert may not be fruitless."

She replied, 

"You who are a priest, Abbot Zosima, pray for me and for all, for this is your calling. But as we all must be obedient, I will gladly do what you ask."

Then she turned to the East and raising her eyes to Heaven and stretching out her hand she began to pray in a whisper. One could not hear separate words, so that Zosima could not understand anything that she said in her prayers.

This is the work of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Love, who opened the heart of all men, so that, even he who is in the desert and does not see anybody, eagerly desires the salvation of all the world. Though she was in the desert, she was not in isolation from the church, but she was a living member, asking for all her brothers.

When at length he thought that her prayer was very long, he took his eyes off the ground and saw that she was raised bout a forearm's distance from the ground and stood praying in the air. When he saw this, even greater terror seized him and he fell on the ground weeping and repeating may times, 

"Lord have mercy."

And while lying prostrate on the ground he was tempted by the thought of her being a spirit or of her prayers being hypocritically said. But at the very same moment the woman turned round, raised the elder from the ground and said, 

"Thoughts, tempting you about me, trouble you, Abba, telling you I am a spirit, and that my prayer is feigned? Know, holy father, that I am only a sinful woman, though I am guarded by Holy baptism. And I am no spirit but earth and ashes, and flesh alone." 

And with these words she guarded herself with the sign of the Cross on her forehead, eyes, mouth and chest, saying, 

"May God defend us from the evil one and from his designs, for fierce is his struggle against us."

Hearing and seeing this, the elder fell to the ground and, embracing her feet, he said with tears, 

"I beg you, by the Name of Christ our God, who was born of a Virgin, for whose sake you have stripped yourself, for whose sake you have exhausted your flesh, do not hide from your slave, who you are and whence and how you came into this desert. Tell me everything so that the marvelous works of God may become known. A hidden wisdom and a secret treasure — what profit is there in them? Tell me all, I implore you. for not out of vanity or for self-display will you speak but to reveal the truth to me, an unworthy sinner. I believe in God, for whom you live and whom you serve. I believe that He led me into this desert so as to show me His ways in regard to you. It is not in our power to resist the plans of God. If it were not the will of God that you and your life would be known, He would not have allowed me to see you and would not have strengthened me to undertake this journey, one like me who never before dared to leave his cell."

Much more said Abba Zosima. But the woman raised him and said, 

"I am ashamed, Abba, to speak to you of my disgraceful life, forgive me for God's sake! But as you have already seen my naked body I shall likewise lay bare before you my work, so that you may know with what shame and obscenity my soul is filled. I was not running away out of vanity, as you thought, for what have I to be proud of — I who was the chosen vessel of the devil? But when I start my story you will run from me, as from a snake, for your ears will not be able to bear the vileness of my actions. But I shall tell you all without hiding anything, only imploring you first of all to pray incessantly for me, so that I may find mercy on the day of Judgment."

St. Mary tells her story...

The elder wept and the woman began her story,

"My native land, holy father,  was Egypt. When I was 12 years old I rejected my parent's love and went to Alexandria.

When I remember how I lost my virginity there at the very beginning and gave myself up to sensuality, I become ashamed. It is better to tell about all this shortly, so that you should know about my passion and my love for pleasure.

For about seventeen years, forgive me, I lived in such a way. I lived like a fire of public moral corruption. I seduced many, not for the sake of gain, but often when they wished to pay me, I refused the money, so as to make as many men as possible to try to obtain me. Doing free of charge is what gave me pleasure. Do not think that I was rich and that was the reason why I did not take money. I lived by begging, often by spinning flax, but I had an insatiable desire and an irrepressible passion for lying in filth. This was life to me. Every kind of abuse of nature I regarded as life. That is how I lived.

Once I saw a large crowd of Libyans and Egyptians running towards the sea. I asked one of them, where these men were hurrying to. He replied that they were all going to Jerusalem for the Exaltation of the Precious and Life-giving Cross of our Lord, which was to take place in a few days.

I suddenly desired that I might go with them to have more new lovers who could satisfy my passion.

In fact, I had no money to pay for the journey or for the food but I had my body which they could take instead of payment.

I told you, Abba Zosima, not to force me to tell you of my disgrace. God is my witness, I am afraid of defiling you and the very air with my words." 

Zosima, weeping, begged her to continue  such an edifying tale.

"I went to the shore and met some young men. Shamelessly, as usual, I mixed with the crowd. Seeing my readiness to be shameless, they readily took me aboard the boat.

How shall I relate to you what happened after this? Whose tongue can tell, whose ears can take in all that took place on the boat during that voyage! And to all this I frequently forced those miserable youths even against their own will. There is no mentionable or unmentionable depravity of which I was not their teacher. I am amazed, Abba, how the sea stood our licentiousness, how the earth did not open its jaws, and how it was that hell did not swallow me alive, when I had entangled in my net so many souls. But I think God was seeking my repentance. For He does not desire the death of a sinner, but magnanimously awaits his return to Him.

 I was not contented with these youths but I seduced many others in Jerusalem — citizens of the town and foreigners."

On the doorstep of the Church of Jesus' Sepulcher (Jerusalem)...

"At dawn, I noticed a great crowd of pilgrims hurrying towards the church which is built on the Tomb of Christ, so I ran with the rest.

I tried to enter the church with the crowd which was struggling to get through the doors, but suddenly some power prevented me from passing the doorstep. Meanwhile, I was brushed aside by the crowd and found myself standing alone in the porch.

 I thought this might have been because of my weakness, being a woman. I did my best and tried to enter again, and for the second time I was stopped. I was prevented from entering by a secret mighty force.

Having repeated my attempt three or four times, I lost all my strengths. I went aside and stood in a corner of the porch. And only then with great difficulty I began to understand the reason why I was prevented from being admitted to see the Life-giving Cross. The Word of Salvation gently touched the eyes of my heart and revealed to me that it was my unclean life which barred the entrance to me. I began to weep and lament and beat my chest, and to sigh from the depths of my heart.

And so I stood, weeping, when I saw above me the icon of the most holy Mother of God. Not taking my eyes off Her, I said, 

'O Lady, Mother of God, who gave birth in the flesh to God the Word, I know, O how well I know, that it is no honor or praise to thee when one so impure and depraved as I look up to thy icon, O Ever-virgin, who didst keep thy body and soul in purity. Rightly do I inspire hatred and disgust before thy virginal purity. But I have heard that God who was born of thee became man on purpose to call sinners to repentance. Then help me, for I have no other help. Order the entrance of the church to be opened to me. Allow me to see the venerable Tree on which He who was born of Thee suffered in the flesh and on which He shed His holy Blood for the redemption of sinners and for me, unworthy as I am. Be my Faithful Witness before thy Son that I will never again defile my body by the impurity of fornication, but as soon as I have seen the Tree of the Cross I will renounce the world and its temptations and will go wherever Thou wilt lead me.'

As I prayed, I found myself filled with confidence. I left the place where I stood praying and went again and mingled with the crowd which was pushing its way into the temple.

Now I had gone as far as the doors which I could not reach before, I entered without difficulty and found myself within the holy place. And so it was; I saw the Life-giving Cross. I saw too the Mysteries of God and how the Lord accepts repentance. Throwing myself on the ground, I worshipped that holy place and kissed it with trembling.

Then I came out of the church and went to Her who had promised to be my security, to the place where I had sealed my vow. And bending my knees before the Virgin Mother of God, I addressed her with these words, 

'O loving Lady, Thou hast shown me Thy great love for all men. Glory to God who receives the repentance of sinners through Thee. What more can I recollect or say, I who am so sinful? It is time for me, o Lady to fulfill my vow, according to Thy witness. Now lead me by the hand along the path of repentance!' 

And at these words I heard a voice from on high, 

'If you cross the Jordan you will find glorious rest.' 

Hearing this voice and having faith that it was for me, I cried to the Mother of God, 

'O Lady, Lady, do not forsake me!' 

With these words I left the porch of the church and set off on my journey.

As I was leaving the church a stranger glanced at me and gave me three coins, saying, 

'Sister, take these.' 

I took the money and bought three loaves, that I took with me on my journey, as a blessed gift. I asked the person who sold the bread the way to the Jordan. I was directed to the city gate which led that way. Running on I passed the gates and still weeping went on my journey. Those I met I asked the way, and after walking for the rest of that day I reached at sunset the Church of St. John the Baptist which stood on the banks of the Jordan. 

After praying in the temple, I went down to the Jordan and rinsed my face and hands in its holy waters. I partook of the Holy and Life-giving Mysteries in the Church of the Forerunner and ate half of one of my loaves. Then, after drinking some water from Jordan, I laid down and passed the night on the ground. In the morning I found a small boat and crossed to the opposite bank. I again prayed to Our Lady to lead me whither she wished. Then I found myself in this desert and since then up to this very day I have been estranged from all, keeping away from people and running away from everyone. I have been living here cleaving to my God who saves all who turn to Him from all that defiles them and from all temptations that are stirred against them." 

Abbot Zosima asked her, 

"O lady, how many years have passed since you began to live in the wilderness?"

"About forty-seven, I think."

"Have you lived all these years without suffering, because of the change that occurred in your life?"

"You are asking me, Abbot Zosima, about things that I tremble to speak about. If I recall all the hardship that I have overcome, all the terrible thoughts that have troubled me, I  fear that I may come under their influence once more."

"Don't hide anything from me, my lady..."

"Believe me, Abbot, I spent seventeen years in this wilderness fighting wild beasts. At first, life was extremely hard in the wilderness. I used to yearn for my past life, my friends, the good time we had spent together, and for all the food and drink and the fine things I used to have in Egypt.

Here in the wilderness, it was hard to find even a draught of water to drink. I grieved sorely and was faint from thirst and hunger, and from the heat of the sun. Life was unbearable. I was often sick and almost died. As the memories of my old life persisted in attacking me, I flung myself on the ground and, in tears, I begged the Lord to help me...

How can I tell you about the thoughts which urged me on towards lust once more? They were like fire in my miserable heart which seemed to burn it up completely and rouse in me desire for pleasures.

Finally I felt great peace in my soul, the Lord gave me what I wanted. I had mourned much for my wicked past and I was finally comforted by God..."

As Abbot Zosima heard her quoting extracts from the Scriptures, he asked her, 

"And where did you learn the Holy Scriptures?"

"I have not seen a human face since I crossed the Jordan, except yours today... I have not learned from books, but the Word of God Himself alive and acting, gives man knowledge, and this is the end of my story. As I asked you at the beginning, I now also beseech you by the Incarnate Word of God, to pray the Lord for me as I am a sinner."

Having said this, she bowed her head for a moment, in meditation, then turned to Abbot Zosima again saying,

"I beseech you, holy father, for the sake of Jesus Christ, our God and Savior, to tell nobody of what I told you until I am set free from this earth, and now depart in peace. Next year in Lent, do not cross the Jordan as it is the custom in the monastery. Stay there in the monastery, for even if you wished to go out, it would be impossible for you to do so. On Holy Thursday, wait for me at the banks of the river Jordan with the life-giving Body and Blood of Christ in a sacred vessel."

Then she disappeared in the depths of the wilderness. Abbot Zosima, falling upon his knees, and prostrating himself upon the earth on which her feet had stood, gave glory and thanks to God. And again crossing that wilderness he returned to the monastery on the same day that was assigned  for the return of the monks.

For a whole year he kept silent, not daring to tell anyone of what he had seen. He prayed to God to see her again. That year seemed very long to the saint who wished if it could be shortened into one single day.

When Lent began, he was very ill and laid in bed with fever, then he remained in the monastery as she had told him. On Maundy Thursday he took the life-giving Body and Blood of our Lord Jesus Christ. He also put into a basket some figs and dates and a small quantity of lentils that had been soaked in water. Having reached the bank of the Jordan he sat down waiting for her.

He waited for a long time. Then he began to doubt that his unworthiness might have prevented her from coming or that she had come and not finding him, she went back.

Then he raised his eyes to Heaven and began to pray asking God that he might see the face of the ascetic by God's will. After praying, he saw her coming on the surface of the water towards him, and when he wanted to prostrate himself before her, she cried to him while still walking on the water,

 "What are you doing Abbot? You are a priest and are carrying the Divine Mysteries!"

With joy and peace, she asked him to bless her and took part in the Holy Communion. 

She raised her arms towards Heaven and sighed with tears, saying, 

"O Lord, now let Thy servant depart in peace, according to Thy word, for my eyes have seen Thy salvation." 

She then looked towards the father and said, 

"Forgive me Abbot, for I have another favor to ask. Go back now to the monastery and may the Grace of God preserve you. Next year, come again to the same place where you first met me; come and you will see me again for such is the will of God."

He answered her, 

"I long to go after you in the wilderness following your example."

He asked her to take the small amount of food that he had brought her. She touched the lentils with the tip of her fingers and took three grains, put them in her mouth, saying that  the Grace of the Holy Spirit is sufficient to keep  the nature of the soul undefiled, and again she asked him to pray for her.

Then she crossed the Jordan passing over the water, and disappeared in the wilderness, and he went off sighing sorrowfully.

Another year passed, and he again went into the wilderness. He reached the same spot but he saw her dead body lying on the sand.

Zosima felt very sad and knelt down beside her, weeping for a long time, praying the psalms that are suitable for such occasions...

After a little while, he began to wonder where he should bury her body... Suddenly he noticed something written on the sand near her head, 

"Abbot Zosima, on the night of the Lord's passion, Maundy Thursday, I went to my Savior. Bury the body of humble Mary in this very place. Let dust return to dust and pray to the Lord for me..."

Father Zosima was astonished how she returned to this place after her partaking of the Divine Communion last year on the same day at the same hour and died, and how her body remained without decay throughout the whole year.

At that moment a lion came out of the woods, licked her feet and began to dig a hole large enough to bury the body.

The father washed her feet with his tears, calling on her to pray for all, and then he covered the body with soil.